LOS PAPERS DE UVALDE

Today is may 26th —-2022

I spent the majority of my day in uvalde - a couple days after the mass shooting at robb elementary - i drove over there with elaine aradillas - people magazine crime reporter —- ive been down that stretch of 90 most of my life —- today was different - and will never be the same —-as we drove i could feel an unusual sense of anxiety —- this entire incident has felt familiar - this region has so much trauma inflicted by gringo law and enforcement that i feel this shooting somehow is connected — a huge majority of the injured and murdered were brown babies - 2 maestras —- —-as the media kept posting new images of identified children - i couldnt help think of my brown babies —- with the tight chongos and the clean fresh tres flores haircuts —- picture day clothes — 

As we drove into the little town - i immediately spotted beto — standing under a small oak tree at the walmart parking lot —- i told elaine who did some tj hooker driving turns to get over to where the candidate was on his phone —-as we pulled up - cynthia - his badass sidekick jumped out and greeted us — i did some quick intos to elaine - 2 men drove up take pics —-—- it was strange —not the picture session — but beto —-- i know beto - he was different —- 

everything was different

The town was functioning but —---- it was a strange silence - kinda like being stuck at a train stop - with the engines roaring but you are somehow being tranced into a meditative state — watching the cars pass across your windshield - without flinching on the loudness of the clankity tracks and fumes —-- uvalde wasnt the same

We were rotating around the streets - along with beto and his crew looking for the rumored makeshift memorial —- both vehicles went to the main park —nothing —- then his media guy led us to the main square where a swarm of tripods con journalists were set up —-- it was already a circus

This morning someone made a cross station for each victim —- the crosses lined along the edge of the city water feature —- (which looked like a carlos cortez sculpture) —- each cross had a small stack of carnations with an assorted sprinkle of teddy bears and other stuffed animalitos—- we posted up around the small downtown square -  i watched as slowly one by one –little familias bringing flowers — enough for each cross - they placed them carefully and even wrote on each of the little sawscrolled hearts attached to the crosses —-- i took a ton of photos on my 35mm point and shoots — i wasnt a journalist - so the families would do this mexican thing we do where we communicate with just ojitos —- i could read their eyes filled with a numb tenderness —- and i would just look back — with an open sacrifice to their pain —- after an hour or so - i started to notice that each of the beautiful little familias always had a small nino or nina - about 4th grade aged with them —- they were the friends — playground buddies—-- it was them who got the familias to barrel thru the media to get to these tiny memorials —- they were so brave —- but blank faced —- like a nothingness 

One of the little ninas - had straight india hair with a white chongo —-- she was placing flowers in a perfect row — she stopped at the 3rd to last cross —- fell to her knees and started to cry —- unloading —- i couldnt look —- so i turned away —-

Elaine was interviewing all the familias - she was the only mexicana tejana journalist - so most of the family members opened up to her for interviews —-- there must have been like 30 journalists con camera crews at this scene  — all white — and i immediately had a gut feeling — that these folks werent gonna truly understand the entire story of how or what has happened —- this isnt an easy news story —its complicated here in uvalde —-- always has been –- there is a lot to dig into this part of tejas

We went to scarf down some heb deli food packs and hook up to their wifi - came up for some air in the shade - debriefed with the a/c blasting fighting the 102 degree heat trying to get into the pinche rental —-- then headed over to robb

Otro circus —---- popup tents - generators - suvs with car hoods up and battery chargers hooked up to laptops - camera crew trash - stacks of pizza boxes - stacks of empty box fan boxes from walmart - portable a/c rentals - creepy security dudes watching over big box tv characters - chingo cables all over the 2 little streets that intersected to the front of the school —- as we walked up to the yellow taped up line —-a huge gap —--- the width of the entire intersection was blocked — familias have been wanting to take offerings to the school brick sign - but the rinches are not allowing familias to go near the sign — now the sign far enough from the actual school —- they are controlling the grieving process - controlling how we tejanos handle —- this isnt anything new of course — its been like that for 177 years 

Day 2

May 27, 2022

Drove over to uvalde otra vez today - with the badass elaine ‘kind of a big deal’ aradillas – crime reporter from people magazine — rode shotgun — this morning i woke up with an unfamiliar soreness to my face - as if i was crying all night —- 

 i brought my 2 faithful point and shoots - ricoh af-5 and an olympus af-1 —- and about 5 rolls of ilford hp5plus 400iso - 36exp —-- today elaine was meeting with a seasoned freelance photo journalist from austin — llana —-- they were to meet up with one of the survivors of the massacre - elaine had met the victim 2 days ago and wanted to re-interview her but also to get some proper pics for the magazine - as we drove into uvalde - the town had the same quiet stillness as yesterday– this time we noticed a large dusty parking lot with chingos of big trocas - bellows of bbq smoke crossed over 90 - we slowed down just enough to catch that it was a bbq fundraiser for affected familias —- we couldnt stop cuz we needed to meet her source at memorial park - well actually at a boxing gym that is cornered in at the park — – we crossed the leona river bridge and did another tj hooker left into the park – found the gym and landed into a nice shaded spot under a big ol’ pecan tree —-

We met up with llana from austin — her and elaine quickly did this newspaper journalist talkity talk — i took a photo of them —----- shortly after we were back in the pinche rental headed to another meetup location that the parents of the child switched to —- we were going to ‘mexican park’ - thats what the mom said they called it —- we ended back at that dusty parking lot —- the scene was chaotic with high school kids packing bags of hamburgers and chips - dads were flipping burgers on a row of chingon bbq pits —and the moms were handling the cash — cars wer lined up ready to buy anything at this fundraiser —--- after buying a burger — the journalists said it was the wrong spot —-- ‘mexican park’ was on the other side of town 

Of course i tried googleo ‘mexican park’ —-nada—-- so elaine used the force to try to find it down main street —aka highway 90 —-- it really was on the other side — on the edge headin towards bracketville —-- as we slowly drove in - we quickly were greeted with more bbq smoke - two camps of bbq fundraiser were set up —-- we parked and i had to get some pics of these fundraising familias —- as i walked up - everyone had the same hurt in their eyes —--- im an artist - not a journalist —--- so i couldn't just whip out a dslr to take some pics of ‘reactions’ — so i bought another hamburger —- i talked to them for a while —------ this community is wounded 

It reminded me of our mexican funerals — were we always gather back at some tias house where someone organizes the rice — the big pot of beans – with the foil on top —-the guacamole— and carne for the grill —------ we gather in crisis — tejanos heal in groups —-

I walked back to where elaine and llana were - they were knee deep in conversation with the cutest little nina —-- beautiful trensita with a big bow — with big nervous smile as she shared her story —------ i couldnt hear them - not because they were far away —- but i just couldnt hear this innocent child relive details —- so i took some pics from a distance 

These journalists were so amazing —-- got on the level - in the most sensitive manner —-- this wasnt their first rodeo —- 

They wrapped up — and we headed towards the square again —--

As we drove back towards the center of town -Both me and ilana jumped out of the rental —- elaine took a lil break —- ilana was chasing a large bouquet of balloons carried by a uvalde police officer —- i couldnt get near that - 

I walked into the spotty shaded square—--The crosses had been placed further apart around the central water feature- to make room for more offerings —-- the crosses looked like they were on mounds — large mounds of flowers, cards, children’s drawings, stuffed animalitos, candles of all sorts, and various small objects —- as i walked around to see the names — more and more familias were coming in — young children, abuelos, tias, tios, vecinos, teachers—--- gente 

There was also these two large anglo men —- big cowboy hats - big buckles - big boots— they had a wicker basket full of childrens’ drawings - they were placing them at each specific named cross —- these giant men were so gentle — it was nice to witness 

We broke for lonche — then headed back to robb — the tv media folks were still occupying space — a space that belonged to a community —- familias were still having a difficult time bringing offerings to the school —- the rinches still were handling the flowers —- the flowers and offerings were all placed in a very structured over organized manner on the school sign —— it looked wrong — 

Rows of familias were coming in on both intersecting streets — and not one person was helping them hurdle over big box media cables and popup tents —- mostly men of course — sitting in their camping chairs swarming around their beeping equipment - tv characters desperately trying to maintain a dry look for the camera and lights — —-now the scene is still kinda quiet —- but these media folks were so disturbing —- this was all wrong 

we met up with another reporter from DC —-alexa —at the burger king — more journalist talkity talk —and twitter updates on the gregg abbott visit— i had to block that shit out

-----shortly after we left to go check out another memorial —---- it was off the banks of the leona river in memorial park — young high school aged kids were setting up for a vigil — they placed 21 chairs with candles on this large monolithic stage — it looked like an aztec temple  — i took some more pics —-- everyone was still moving around without a sound — i'm not sure how healing is supposed to happen here — golden hour was settin’ in — took some more pics then headed back to san antonio — 

June 2, 2022 

art intervention day

Yesterday june 1st - anthony medrano and i organized a bus full of 50 mariachis to perform at the downtown uvalde town square memorial for the victims of the school shooting —- as the big ol’ bus circled the square - all the mariachis suddenly were quiet — anthony gestured to juan ortiz - both leaders of mariachi las campanas de america to address the ‘cool hand luke’ mariachis ready to play—-

Juan stood up and reminded everyone the power of the mariachi - how they are here to help with the grieving process of not only the familias of the tragedy but to the entire community of uvalde —he said a quick mariachi prayer as the bus stopped - —one by one the mariachi started to fix their bow ties and the fresh flowers in their hair —- we all gathered under an old store awning across from the little shaded park —- the media were swarming at the unusual event – i quickly noticed that the mariachi huddle was growing - —---other mariachis started to come out of their air-conditioned vehicles to join up with san antonio mariachi flock -they were representing groups from uvalde, eagle pass, piedras negras, and del rio —--it was beautiful 

Juan and anthony like high school band directors started to signal in mariachi code for everyone to start tuning their instruments - they went over the standard funeral playlist - then little mateo showed up with his family — mateo is 7 years old – he is the recent world record holder for being the youngest mariachi — some of the mariachis greeted him and had him placed in the middle of the mariachi huddle —- then they started a quick song — as if the over 50 mariachis had been playing together for decades —- 

Joaquin and sarah who followed us up found a parking spot - sarah is my studio manager - joaquin is my son — who during the pandemic is now a printmaking badass –— they were in charge of bringing the box of 600 screen printed corridos - el corrido de los angeles de uvalde - the idea was to hand out the corrido posters as the mariachis were singing - so joaquin found a good spot under the trees to post up —--- thats when the mariachis ascended into the square — quietly they walked directly thru a crowd of media folks and shrine visitors —- 

They congregated under two large pecan trees - the most shaded area — the community members had brought chairs and were starting to get the best spots for the performance —- the media members seemed to grow as well —- they planted right in front of the group —-- that's when anthony came to the front - adjusting his big bow tie otra vez—- and addressed the town of uvalde

He explained the story of how we got here - offered his condolences — and did another mariachi signal —-- they started with — te vas angel mio —-- immediately the super loud guitarras, those big big bass guitars, violins, and trumpets filled the entire square —- it felt like the ground had a deep soothing hum as the warm breeze tickled the leaves of the humongous pecan trees 

The media – which were teams from all over the world - didnt know what to do but film the event — i looked over the crosses surrounding the water feature - the mounds exponentially grew with more flowers, more stuffed animalitos, more children’s drawings, and even more candles — as the mariachis were going thru the set list— the skies were a strong hue of blue — its the same blue i use in my paintings - kings blue - the clouds were a bright white hovering over the entire little town — slowing moving as the sun burned hot —---  it was like the mariachi instruments and voices came alive—-blessing the shrines - 

Joaquin, sarah, and dr.karla - who drove in from san anto - started to pass out the corridos —- it didnt take long to see everyone holding the fresh hot off the press broadsides —- thats when i snapped and remembered that i hadnt been taking pics — so i maneuvered to the front of the media crowd posted in front of the mariachis — thats when juan did another secret mariachi signal —- mateo was up —-- his voice was tiny — like his gold laced mariachi ranchero outfit —- he sang —---- mexico lindo y querido —----- and he was just staring at the shrines while singing —- the mostly female violin line up was hovering over him — protecting the young troubadour 

I went thru 3 rolls of 35mm on my point and shoots - taking pics of everything my eye could catch —- as the mariachi finished each song - there was no clapping - everyone respected the silence —-- thats when they started to play the first chords to the song that makes every mexican cry in the entire universe —- como kryptonite —- ive seen this song sung by many mariachis and it makes grown men weak and tear up - women hold their children closer —- they sang —- amor eterno

That's when i lost it - my hands were shaking so bad - breathing was shorter - i was desperately  holding on —- the entire mariachi - including even more members showing up —- all started to sing in unison —- even some of the mariachis were crying - as they all looked down at the shrine mounds —- even some of the journalists fell weak to the serenade —-- this was the power of mariachis - this is power of cultura —- our cultura 

Shortly after amor eterno-  the large group broke up into smaller groups - and started to walk around and sing directly to community members visiting the square —- some of the mariachis from the other towns swarmed together and started to sing more songs—- i saw mateo singing to a cute little viejito couple sitting in lawn chairs under a small oak tree — —- mariachis are superheroes  — they arent from this planet — they are cosmic beings 

Anthony started to do some more mariachi signals — it was time to load up the bus—-we had journalists from sa report and the new york times on the bus on the way there - so we waited for them to get back on –-  there were still some mariachis out - most of them took a break from singing and got up close to the wooden crosses  — i saw one of them take a flower from her beautiful hair arrangement and place it on top of a shrine mound - ive never seen mariachis cry —-- cuz you know they usually make everyone else cry —- but today they were crying —-- 

On the bus ride home - it was a different vibe —--- jorge herrera had loaded the bus with cold water, gatorade, large bags of chips, and of course beer —- the whole ride home mariachis were sharing stories on what had just happened - as the herrera beers kept being passed throughout the bus - the emotionally exhausted mariachis started to make themselves laugh - i then realized mariachi laughter heals too —- i truly believe mariachis are the answer to our dark world —-- we got back to herrera plaza —- they all hugged each other - they thanked the journalists who kept them company — jumped in their vehicles and left —-- juan ortiz came up to me and thanked me —- he said we have a responsibility to help out our mexicano community - and that artists and musicians have a special purpose —- he said even if we just touched one person — we have done our job —--------- la cultura cura 

Cruz ortiz